Thursday, December 13, 2007

Shrinking Pains?

The Fearsome Blog Blob strikes!
(Say that ten times fast--I triple dog dare ya!)
Or, as my spirit guides lovingly screamed at me: "SIMPLIFY, SHITHEAD!!!"

In the interest of de-cluttering (if not my house, at least my cyber-house) the long-dormant Movie Review Blog written under the Cheesemeister screen name has been absorbed by this blog like the Blog Blob absorbing other smaller and more helpless blogs. Since the original intent of this blog was to share stories and poems that inspired me, I'm wondering if I should also absorb the long-neglected Mythos Encyclopedia. Has the Mythos Encyclopedia starved to death or is it merely dormant? Does it still serve a purpose? I'd enjoy finding another Mythos geek or two who could help me maintain it, so I could triumphantly cry "IT'S ALIVE!!!!"
If you know anybody fitting that description, have them email, or post a comment for me here.
Thanks to everyone who's subscribed to this and any of my other blogs. I really do appreciate it. I don't really understand how Feedburner works because I'm kind of a dunce when it comes to that stuff, but I do think it's pretty cool!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Technorati Ranking

According to Technorati, this is the most popular of my blogs, with a ranking of a blazing 1,644,723. Booyah! Eat your heart out!
Honestly, I'm not sure why this blog ranks best. I don't update it all that often. I would think the Lost Beneath the Surface blog would have the best rating but it ranks a puny 2,124,856. And Creative Crabbing is crawling along at the back of the pack like a quadruple amputee turtle with its ranking of 8,911,336.
I really don't understand Technorati, but supposedly being listed on it will improve my popularity, get me a date with Keanu Reeves, and make everybody love me. So I'm listing my blogs on it and waiting for the wave of success, prosperity and making everybody in the world totally jealous and wishing they were me!
(For those that don't recognize sarcasm, that was a joke. It happens so often that people take me seriously when I'm joking that I need to come up with some sort of easily insertable graphic code that makes a little arrow that says JOKING!)
Don't you just wish you were as hot, cool and amazing as me, #1,644,723! Take that, #1,644,724!

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Couldn't Agree More

Thanks to Ambrose Bierce and Doug for these gems. I stole the post directly from Doug. I hope he doesn't mind.


A transient, horrible, fantastic dream,
Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:
From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge
Of our bedfellow Death, and cry: "O fudge!"

2007 Update: Rusted eternity.

"To be or not to be?" asked he,
Answered the Danish ghosts' lobby:
"Living is without holiday,
To the dead being is more of a hobby."

Monday, November 26, 2007

Get To Know Your Beloved Author

I do these damn things when I can't think of anything else to do. I stole this from a friend named Austin. You can steal it from me if you want.

• Full Name (or screen name) - Lily Strange. My real name is a beeg seeecret.
• Birthdate: February 1965
• Birthplace: Colorado
• Current Residence: USA
• Eye Color: Green
• Hair Color: It's actually gray but it's been dyed burgundy. It's growing out right now.
• Righty or Lefty: righty.

• The Clothes you wore today: They are very sexy. Oatmeal sweats, white t-shirt with the logo of the place where I work. Too hot, Baby!
• The shoes you wore today: Brown crocs
• Your fears: I am a walking collection of phobias.

—————–WHAT IS——————
• Your most overused phrase: "I hate Google."
"Whose dick do I have to suck to get readers?"
"Ah, FUCK!!!!"
• Your thoughts first waking up: “Oh shit, do I have to?” I wish I was joking but I’m not.
• Your bedtime: Usually between 8 and 10 AM

—————–YOU PREFER——————
• Pepsi or coke: Both suck the wad! They give me horrible abdominal cramps.
• McDonald’s or Burger King: I like making fun of their mascots. Other than that, they're both bad for you and the food kinda sucks but it'll do in a pinch. McDonald's tends to give me the trots. You did want to know that right?
• Single or group dates: I like going out with friends
• Adidas or Nike: Whatever's comfortable and on sale
• Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
• Cappuccino or coffee: I need crappuccino for my bunghole!

————-DO (DID) YOU——————
• Smoke: Yes.
• Cuss: Fuck yeah!
• Take a shower everyday: No. Usually every other day. I'm usually too tired to do it every day. Want to smell my armpits?
• Want to go to college: Fuck no, but I am.
• Like high school: I liked cutting class and getting high
• Want to get married: Uh, no. Been there, done that refused to pay for the T-shirt
• Type fingers on the right keys?: Yup
• Believe in yourself: Depends on how hypomanic I am
• Get motion sickness: Holy crap yes. Give me the damn air sickness bag, Motherfucker!
• Think you’re attractive: If I'm hypomanic I think I'm not hideous. If I'm depressed I think I'm one ugly old witch.
• Think you’re a health freak: I probably should be more of one but no, I'm not. And it shows!
• Get along with your parents: I try.
• Like thunderstorms: I do. I like to sleep to the sound of the rain.
• Play an instrument: Several, all badly.

• Go to the mall: Fuck no!
• Eaten sushi: No way. I like my fish cooked!
• Been on stage: Yes
• Gone skating: Yes
• Made homemade cookies: I have, but these days I use those pre-made ones that you put in the oven however many you want at a time. They're good!
• Dyed your hair: Yes
• Stolen anything: Your soul

————-HAVE YOU EVER——————
Flown on a plane: yes
Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: Yes. The most embarrassing time was when I was wasted on hallucinogens and called a classmate and told him I was in love with him.
Cried during a Movie? Oh fuck yeah.
Cried during a song? Yes. I'm a big wuss.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Oh holy shit yeah. Many a time. Not in the past 7 years, though. I have made a real ass of myself on more than one occasion. And have puked in a gutter and behind a seven eleven and woken up curled around a toilet. Just to name a few of my more glorious drunken episodes.
Been in a fight: A few times in my younger days and once with my ex-husband when we really weren't getting along.

—————-THE FUTURE——————
What do you want to do as a career if money was no object: Write, duh!
What country would you most like to visit?: Iraq sounds like a blast. But seriously, I've only been to Canada and Mexico. There are a number of places in Europe I'd like to visit. I could stay at your house!

—————– NUMBER OF—————–
• Number of people I could trust with my life: My son, my father, my brother and, believe it or not, my ex-husband. There are a few friends that I think I could. I would say that I could trust the spooky guy with my life, but he's dead. So he has kind of a different perspective on the whole life and death thing. I trust him not to sell my soul while I'm not looking.
• Number of CDs that I own: About 200
• Number of piercings: Pierced ears. I thought I was really rad when I pierced the left one twice. I was eighteen, give me a break!
The places that people get pierced these days, I'd kick someone in the nether regions if they came at me with a needle anywhere near there!
• Number of tattoos: None yet. I've never had the money to justify it.
• Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? 5, I think
• Number of scars on my body: A few small ones, and one big one from my cesarean section.
• Number of things in my past that I regret: Too numerous to mention

—————-RIGHT NOW——————
• Wearing: Same thing I said earlier
• Drinking: Water with a little grape juice added for flavor
• Thinking about: I should quit fucking around and write something
• Listening to: "Sour Girl" by Stone Temple Pilots

———IN THE LAST 24 HRS——————
• Cried: No
• Worn jeans: No
• Met someone new online: No
• Done laundry: Yes.
• Drove a car: Yes
• Talked on the phone: No

Yourself: I already told ya, it depends on how hypomanic I am.
Your friends: Generally. It depends on how paranoid I am.
Santa Claus: Yes, and the fucker better bring me some good presents this year!
Destiny/Fate: To an extent. I believe we are given certain gifts at birth and we have karma to clear up. But we also make our own choices.
God: I believe in a creative force, multiple deities, angels and demons. I worship the creative force, multiple deities, and angels. I maintain a healthy level of respect for demons and try to avoid contact with them. There are forces that are best left unfucked with.

• Do you ever wish you had another name?: Well, I chose this one. I've never much liked my given name.
• Who have you known the longest of your friends? I have one friend that I've known for nearly 25 years.
• Are you close to any family member?: Sometimes I think I am sometimes I don't. I'm actually reasonably close to my son but I try not to get too close because I don't want him to feel like I'm smothering him. When we were kids my brother and I were very close.
• When have you cried the most?: I've cried a lot over numerous things. Usually tragic things like a beloved pet or family member or friend dying. It's kind of personal to talk about it.
• What’s the best feeling in the world?: When something you worked really hard on gets the acclaim it fucking deserves! Like a book that you worked on for a bunch of years. AHEM!!!
• Worst Feeling?: 1) the horror of finding out someone you love has died.
2)When someone takes a shit on you and tells you that you're not good enough for them.

• Book – I love the classic horror masters
• Board Game – There are several of these that I love. A fun one based on H.P. Lovecraft's stories is Arkham Horror
• Least favorite smell – When one of the residents where I work has a big shitty accident.
• Favorite smell – A chocolate cake cooking--fuck! I just made myself hungry!
• Color – Blue and purple
• Least favorite color – that shitty mustard yellow

Monday, November 19, 2007

SAD and other Screwed Up Brain Things

At this time of year, many people experience SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. The change in light causes certain folks to become depressed and lethargic, sometimes even suicidal. There are therapeutic lamps and "Sun Boxes" that can be helpful. These can be found by doing an online search. I can't recommend any particular one as I really haven't tried them myself.
I actually experience something of a "reverse SAD," where my seasonal depression comes in the spring rather than the winter. This is more common than people think. Several studies have shown that April is actually the month that holds the dubious distinction of being the time when the greatest number of people commit suicide, and I must say, if I were going to do it, April would be the time because that's when I feel my absolute worst. My seasonal depresion starts in March and I don't come out of it till May.
In the winter there's sometimes a cruddy lethargy, but usually not an out and out depression. I just feel generally like crap most of the time, so it's hard to tell the difference. I'm feeling ok right now. But if I don't quit gaining weight I'm going to be the size of a house. Between the low thyroid levels, taking Lithium, working nights, being an olde phart over 40, stressed out as hell and then there's that pesky wanting to actually eat solid food sometimes rather than meal replacement shakes always--I guess I'm doomed to be large. If I could at least be large and in charge I'd feel better about it!
Taking vitamin D has been helpful for me because working nights I don't get much sun. I still experience depression, which is worst around that certain unlovely time of the month, but the suicidal thoughts have been greatly reduced. Not that I don't have them any more, but I seem to have mellowed them out quite a bit. Maybe vitamin D is like pot for suicidal thoughts. They're still there but they're too busy vegging out to be as much of a bother to me. Whatever works, I say!
Perhaps folks with SAD would benefit from a bit of extra vitamin D. It's very safe and very inexpensive. The recommended dosage is 2000 units per day. Give it a try. It can't hurt and it might just help.
And it may sound trite, but try to remember--it's just your brain chemistry fucking with you. You don't really want to off yourself.
Best wishes and hope for happiness,

Sunday, November 18, 2007

My Report Card

cash advance

Get a Cash Advance

A Letter from my School Daze:

Dear Mrs. Strange,
We are concerned about Lily. She appears to actually be losing intelligence.
Ima Butthole
Netherworld High School Principal

Midterm Report, Fall 1982

Beavis and Butthead made me what I am today!

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

The Fruitcake Club and Potential Story Contest

Get thee hence to the Creative Crabbing blog where there is an exciting discussion about the true nature of fruitcake and a brainstorm (or brain fart) about the idea of a holiday horror story contest. At any rate, we're having more fun over there than we are here!
Don't forget, freaky stories about ghosts and the weirdos who love them make great gifts for the off-center types on your list. And I know just the person you should buy said stories from!
Click here for some samples. Or here to find out more. Guaranteed fruitcake-free, but not nut free by any means.

Monday, November 5, 2007


You Could Be a Vampire... If You Had To

Like most people, the thought of being a vampire has crossed your mind. But you're not sure if you'd do it, even if you could.
Living forever doesn't sound half bad, if you could live forever with the people you love the most.
But do vampires even love? And would the vampire version of you even be you?
It's all too much to contemplate. Luckily, the chances of you ever becoming a vampire are astronomically low.

What you would like best about being a vampire: Living forever

What you would like least about being a vampire: Blood stained teeth


You Are 64% Open

You're a pretty open person - and you don't mind sharing the good, bad, and sometimes ugly.
And while sometimes you do catch yourself blabbing on, you usually exhibit restraint.
You're openness is quite refreshing, and it encourages other people to be open with you!

I really have nothing to say right now, so I'm resorting to doing these things.
I've decided to make a blog strictly for sharing my readings. Now I have to start promoting the readings.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

A Meme

Shit, the world really has gone to hell. I'm resorting to doing memes. I stole this from a person who is far saner and more interesting than I am. You can visit her here. And be nice to her, or else.

1. Where would you live?
Pay close attention because you will never see this again. It's just that at this point the only people that read this shitty blog are people who know who I actually am. If the rest of the world knew it would just put them to sleep. You don't want to know, believe me.
Anyway, I would probably live in Arizona because I'm sick of driving on shitty slick roads every year. I would have a few acres where I could have small livestock and maybe grow a few plants. I would have some cacti that I would hang garlands off every yuletide just because it would look tacky and obnoxious. I would have a big adobe house. And I would surround my property with signs that said "fuck off and die."
Either that or I would live in Geneva so I could go visit the mental health people at the World Health Organization and make them as crazy as I am.

2. What would your job be (or if unrealistic) what would you do all day?
A writer who would do tarot readings to supplement, but only if I had to.

3. Who would you spend your time with? Doing what?
Who else? This annoying ghost that makes me write stories with him!
Only kidding. He never "made" me write any stories with him, technically. I was simply moved by those words that he whispered in my ear that fateful night.
"Write this or I'll cook your liver and feed it to your cats. And I'll boil your eyeballs and feed them to the fish. And then I'll fricasee your intestines and feed them to your dogs. And last but not least I shall fry up your spleen and feed it to your rabbit."
Well, I thought I had him on that one.
"Rabbits don't eat spleens, you spectral fiend!" I cried.
"You must be stupider than I first thought," he said. "For you might have figured out by now by the number of fingers you're missing that this is no ordinary rabbit but a Vorpal Rabbit!"
Curses! Foiled Again!

4. What kind of holidays/vacations would you take?
I would go on a Curmudgeon's Cruise where I could sit back with those of a like mind and bitch about how stupid everything is while enjoying excellent seafood. One place we'd certainly make a stop is San Francisco where I would enjoy more excellent, cheap and fresh seafood. We'd invite a bunch of drag queens aboard to perform for us. And anytime we stopped by a port city known to be infested with stuffy people we'd all drop trou and hang a moon.

5. What luxury items would you own?
One of those little salt box cabins in Maine where I could visit Stephen King and we could try to scare the crap out of each other with horror stories told by the campfire. One of the drag queens could tape record it. I would also buy a Land Rover for each of my relatives because Land Rovers have excellent safety features. And I would own a black Corvette because it's fucking ostentatious as hell and thoroughly unneccessary yet very cool. And for once I'd actually have a decent sound system. And a computer that worked. And a house with a real skylight. And an actual bed. I'm sick of sleeping on this dilapidated couch. Don't ask.

6. What charities would you support or represent?
First, myself. Then the World Health Organization Mental Health And Substance Abuse Division, which is where half the profits from the book I wrote with the ghost who has intent to cook my major organs go to. Which is why more of you fuckers need to buy the book--to prevent more people like me from writing books! There is a shortage of straight jackets. Help WHO buy more! Or you'll be reading more from me...soon...

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Science and Outrage

I was surprised at how many people had negative responses to this article in Newsweek that proclaimed that all supernatural phenomena are due to the mind's tendency to visualize patterns.
The problem with most scientists today is that rather than taking an attitude that things such as supernatural phenomena can't be proven or disproven at this point in time and thus leaving it an open question, they take the attitude that since it can't be proven it must not exist. Rather than stating that they themselves do not believe something is possible, they tend to take a sneering tone, implying that anyone who believes it's possible is either a simpleton or a nut job.
In a field such as detection of spirits, the truly serious practitioners rule out possible earthly causes first. It's my personal belief that most spirit orbs are probably dust motes on the camera lens or in the air. However, having once stared right at a very tangible spirit for several minutes at a time when I was completely sober, I can plainly state that he was not some sort of vague composition of patterns that I was pulling out of my brain or any other part of my body. The man looked exactly as he had in life before he became ill. The hair, the glasses, the nose, the smile--it was definitely my neighbor. He had been trying to get my attention for over an hour before I finally saw him.
I can see applying this theory to phenomena such as seeing the face of Jesus in a cheese sandwich (if Jesus wanted to manifest, don't you think he'd choose mediums other than cheese sandwiches or spots on a cow's butt?) but not to a full blown apparition where, except for the fact that you know the person's dead, you'd think you were standing there talking to a flesh and blood human being. Granted, a manifestation of this magnitude is rare--unless you are like my great grandfather. He saw them all the time. And no, he was not schizophrenic or otherwise "touched in the head." He was described as being very sensible and down to earth in his attitudes. And as it happens, he saw ghosts.
It's hard to prove experiences such as the communications between myself and my co-author. I've never seen him manifest and I think it would be very difficult for him to do so, because he was never physically in this part of the world. A spirit needs some sort of anchor in order to become visible. The spirit I saw was in the house where he'd lived for the past 12 years. He definitely had an anchor there.
Whatever the case may be, scientists have always tried to explain away psychic phenomena. Yet these phenomena persist. This article didn't convince me that I saw a conglomeration of patterns on that night in 1981. I'll put it this way--if I did, that's one hell of a good conglomeration of patterns to be able to disguise itself as the near-solid form of a man who had died six months previously. And it didn't even have to use a cheese sandwich for a canvas. I'm very, very impressed.
Blessed be,

Sunday, October 28, 2007


I wasn't certain about doing this here but my co-author said something very interesting and I wanted him to be able to share it. He does a lot of studying, trying to understand the nature of the Universe. (The Universe being the entire cosmos, not merely the material plane.) And I think what he has to say is pretty useful. The refreshing thing about him is the fact that he doesn't censor himself. He says that most people call this trait "obnoxious." I should be working on crappy biology homework--which is actually what inspired this dialogue. These are the resulting thoughts of his answer to the question why I have so much trouble putting my mind to working on subjects such as biology.
I'll change fonts as a distinction between his "voice" and mine.
Everything edited to compensate for my shit spelling and grammar--and if nobody ever reads this it is their loss--or gain. I really don't give a fuck.
My thought is that if you look at things in terms of the system of Kabalah in order to simplify, you see that there is four "worlds" or planes of existence. (She understands Kabalah having made study of it over the years so I choose this.) These are Malkuth or the Earth sphere, Yesod which is the lunar and astral realm, Briah which is the mental plane and Assiah which is the realm of spirit. Malkuth is not simply all things material but also encompasses such creatures as elemental spirits but this is a different discussion.
I see it that some people is more attuned to one or more of these realms. The attunement of my friend is the plane of Yesod extending somewhat into the plane of Briah. Most people of imagination is attuned with this sphere. Most such people is also very emotional in nature and it is difficult to have the emotions and creativity suppressed in such people. That they are being told to fit themselves into a small box to define them is as if breathing cyanide gas. It is poison to their very nature! My situation had much complexities but I was and am also such a person. When this nature in such a person is suppressed they become given to depression and abuses of substances, and maybe eventual suicide. For me this was not the only factor but I assure that such creativities were squelched at an early age. Most schooling systems is poison to the creative spirit!
The material realm has become poison to such persons and it is difficult for beings of a higher nature to come through to those who dwell here. It also becomes complex in that with each of these four worlds, Malkuth, Yesod, Briah and Assiah there is also four expressions of these worlds. Thus one has the physical expression of the physical world, which is where one walks about, stumbles into walls, gets killed by falling off precipices, such things as this. And then as I say there is also a dimension of this physical world which is home to such creatures as elementals. Beyond this I get ahead of myself and have not learned quite how this should be expressed. So I shall leave this for another day.
But also what is to understand is that in the realm of which I reside, the realm Yesod, there is a "physical" expression. So this is where I lose people and they say "well, he is still insane and babbles on about metaphysics and such shit as this." Well, so you will listen or go shopping online instead and blow all your money or you shall go view more porn and obtain a virtual blow job. It matters not to me.
Earthbound spirits such as myself are residents of the physical astral plane, if you might call it thus. There is other more beautiful beings which reside here. These thrive on the energies of the imaginings of those given to artistic pursuit. They come to such people and assist them if the individual is able to open their energy centers enough to receive. This is difficult for most people who currently reside in the material world. Not only is this a world filled up with physical pollution but also psychic pollution and to me this is often like being trapped in a room with a radio which receives nothing but static, but I cannot turn off. I stick close to one which is receptive such as my friend which helped me to write the book, or I cannot bear to be here. The psychic static is disruptive to the vibration which I exist at. I can be grounded by the energies from a person which I am near to, if their energies is in tune with mine. There is other techniques but this becomes extraneous at this point and perhaps if I remember I may discuss later.
A trouble comes in communicating with such a person for extended time in this fashion. If I only walk beside her I might chat with her indefinite, but when she must receive exacting thoughts as in this nature her astral body begins to pull forth from the physical one. I never was accused of having a magnetic personality but I suppose I do! As I have no physical body to ground me (seeing as the fucker is in the ground and there it is staying--another thing to be discussed some other time) my energies simply exist raw, something like static electricity. (Many people did find me shocking so I suppose this is an apt analogy.) Everybody will eventually exist thus and the astral body leaves the physical body at sleep. But most people does not remember. I will watch over my friend at such times because her body is become full of toxins and there is much disruption in her patterns of sleep. Too much having to give energies to a sphere to which she is not naturally polarized, and it's minutia of concerns. I must watch over her because she has tendencies to wander towards what is deemed the "lower astral." This is the sewers of the astral where resides all sorts of beings which feeds on fear and debauchery. These experiences are interpreted as being nightmares. Now being that I am not everywhere and if am otherwise engaged I cannot always prevent this but she says she has much fewer nightmares since meeting me. Most often she does not remember that I was there. It is as a temporary state of dementia. On the occasions that her mental state is clear we have had enjoyable meetings.
Neither of us stay on track very well, I have roamed far from my initial subject and my medium begins to become "spacy" for lack of a better word. This is why we need an editor when we write. Neither of us is very grounded.
I take my leave now and may do again when I have more great and vast wisdom that you must obey.
Also if in the future the question comes up what do we call you. Call me what you like except do not fucking call me "goat" or anything of that nature or I may become temporarily a little more tangible in order to show you the error of such stupididy. This is a time I should like to forget for the most part and I will not appreciate being reminded!
Thank you,
Believe it or don't--this is what I received!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

There actually is a plus side to being unpopular

The upside to the fact that only two people read this blog (and only seven have read my book) is that I can be really straight up forthright for real about what's happening, whereas if I have an actual audience I'll tend to cloak and edit stuff to appease. I started doing this Mood Gym thing on the recommendation of a friend. Click here to read more about it. It's actually pretty good. But finding things out about my shithead way of thinking can also invoke anger at times. This anger tends to be internalized.
My co-author did that a lot to himself in life. But he had no way of knowing that events triggered his unhealthy way of dealing with things. He was intelligent but in a strange way very sheltered at the same time. His ways of dealing with things struck most people as bizarre.
He (his protector personality, at any rate) was looking over my shoulder while I was doing this. When I decided to call it quits he said "so what they are saying is that I killed myself because of my fucked way of thinking?"
"Pretty much," I said.
He got extremely upset and if he were a physical being my wall would have a new hole. (I've punched a few in it in my time before I found my friend Lithium.)
"Shit!" he said.
There was something in the realization that he couldn't just be labeled "nuts." That's a bit too easy. The self hating ways of thinking aren't one's fault, they're learned through having to deal with bad situations and not having anything else to compare the thoughts to.
There are times when I've wondered why he hasn't tried to find a more charismatic co-author. He jokes that "Stephen King has wax in his ears." Then he says in all due seriousness that most mediums just try to send him to the light when he isn't ready and that while there are others who can hear him and would be willing to listen (and listen raptly and worshipfully to boot) that prolonged/repeated contact with him would actually screw them up worse than they already are and he won't be responsible for that. (What a shock--I'm not the biggest mess on the planet after all!)
He's frustrated too but the idea of posthumous fame doesn't bother him as much as it does me. Because, to quote, "In my case, what other kind is there?"
And that's a big reason why I like working with him. The wry wit sets very well with me.
Lily and the Spectral Friend

Thursday, October 18, 2007


I find it interesting that professions that deal with the dead (i.e. coroner, mortician, embalmer) make more money than a lot of professions that deal with the living (i.e. EMT, paramedic, nurse aide, patient care tech)
I especially find this interesting given that the dead don't talk back! (Spirits do, but not dead bodies.) Maybe its because of the creepiness factor that most people feel dealing with corpses. In my line of work I sometimes feel like I deal with walking corpses. There are a lot of people that I find myself amazed that they're still walking around. One of my co-workers says that perhaps they're too stubborn to die. Another says that maybe they're already dead, they just don't know it.
I find myself very discouraged over my chronic lack of money and over the fact that it seems that after only 3 requests for books to be reviewed, nobody else has expressed any interest. I will acknowledge that the book may not be a GREAT BOOK!!!! (I would have put that in some sort of ornate writing, but Blogger doesn't provide an ORNATE FONT!!! So you'll just have to use your imagination.) It is, however, a reasonably WELL WRITTEN BOOK!!!! It's at least a HALFWAY DECENT BOOK!!!! If I do say so my own damn self. I and the co-author (his slightly less snarky personality) speculated on the reasons why this might be. I speculated that most of the population is dumbed down enough that they don't want to bother with anything that they actually have to read or that might make them think. (I think the more snarky personality would fully agree with this.) He speculated that perhaps there were still enough people who were scared of looking into the unknown, anything containing topics such as spirit contact, that they might be leery of the subject matter of this book.
My co-author's snarkier personality thinks we should send copies of the book to all the big McMega-Churches and try to enlighten their McChristian asses. I would think this was a great idea except for the fact that it would cost me a lot of money that I don't have and I'm too old to deal with the fallout. Still, it's nice to know that death can't keep a good curmudgeon down. I think he may have been talking to Ambrose Bierce again.
Sometimes the voices from my good Catholic past kick in and tell me that if I keep conversing with this blasphemous spook, I'm going to get struck by lightning. But then age and rage remind me that I really don't give a shit.
The things I hope to get out of publishing this book (and all the forthcoming ones because unless somebody kills me off, they show no signs of stopping) is to finally do something besides punch someone else's time clock and to express my true self, vile though it may be. And to give voice to someone who would otherwise not have one, and who actually has a number of interesting things to say--if anyone can be bothered to listen. Can't guarantee him that. People still suck, Sweetheart, and they're getting dumber by the day, and that's the truth!
Some things that I really hope happen in the not too distant future, or at least while I can still move around without a walker or a pacemaker, are being not on the verge of financial collapse and not ever, ever, ever again having to ask my family for money or avoid answering the phone because it's a fucking bill collector. I could make the world's biggest bonfire with all the threats and overdue payment notices. Working 40 hours a week, living in a god damn trailer, driving a beat up heap, not able to afford to ever go to a concert or even to the choke n puke, let alone a halfway decent place for dinner--it sucks!
In other words, I'd like to be able to live a little before I kick the bucket.
(With my luck I'll be one of those unfortunate souls that dies while sitting on the crapper. Wouldn't that just be the last laugh?)
I wouldn't think this would be too much to ask. But maybe I really am as dumb as I look!
Comment if you're a curmudgeon!
(Kind of like honk if you're horny. Only in this case, don't honk if you're horny because I really couldn't give a shit. If you're horny go to this blog.)
Snarkiness and Blessings Anyway,

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The Nitty Gritty

So far I've sold seven books, which is great. Would love to sell a million times that. I got requests for books from three reviewers and no more yet. Which is three times as many requests as I got with my crap press release that I didn't know what to do with. Still, if the phrase "the mills of the gods grind slowly" could ever be used to illustrate anything, I guess it would be what I feel like my progress is. And then of course there's my natural tendency to figure that whatever I touch turns to dust. Really, nobody knows about the book, or me, and if I ever do get renown, I'm sure I'll often wish that I was still completely unrecognized. Not that anyone will ever know what I look like, I'm not looking for that kind of recognition. With more recogniton comes more idiots making stupid comments. I'm not looking forward to that. But would it be worse if it never happens?

Monday, October 15, 2007

Psychic Markers

A site of a haunting does not usually contain the actual spirit that may be seen there by those with the ability. It is an impression left behind by an emotionally charged incident. However, it is a place that the person who left the impression at can be drawn back to.
We all leave traces of ourselves as we walk through the world. Some of these traces are more powerful than others. It also explains why, unless I were to be in a situation that caused me to give off a great amount of psychic energy, I will never be able to see my co-author with my eyes unless I go someplace where he left a psychic imprint in life. If I were in extreme danger, for instance, he might be able to latch onto the energy that surrounded me and make an appearance. He can go anywhere in the universe that he wants to, but the energy output that it would take for him to make himself visible in a place that he's never been causes problems with physical electrical equipment--literally. This incident is described on my website so I won't recount it here. You can check it out if you like.
While these psychic markers can be good places to contact a given spirit, they can also become doorways for less benevolent entities to make an entry into the world. In the place that I work, there are multiple "psychic doorways" because many people have died in this building. I've seen ghosts here, but in all honesty, I think what I'm seeing is an esoteric tape loop rather than the person themselves. I will sometimes sense presences of people that have passed. They pass through and go their way. These are Earthbound spirits attempting to resolve something. They don't bother me.
Some of these doorways, however, seem to have become places favored by less savory presences. I made the mistake of pulling a chair into the med room one night to take a nap, in spite of the fact that I've always had bad feelings about that place and one of my ghost friends warned me not to. I was attacked by something and this same spectral friend rescued me, then referred to me as a stubborn ass for not listening to him.
We also wanted to impart some information about discerning between earthbound human spirits and non-human entities that utilize psychic doorways. Earthbound spirits will be the same kind of person in death that they were in life. Some are friendly, some aren't. But while a human spirit can cause a "chill up the spine" or give an incarnate person a chilly touch, their touch is never ice-cold.
Any area of unexplained cold, or a touch that is literally ice-cold, indicates a demonic presence. This is likely not a major demon, but minor demons can inflict plenty of misery on humans and aren't to be trifled with. The unpleasant entities that come through areas such as the doorway into the med room at work are probably not demons but are instead malevolent sorts of nature spirits that live on the lower astral and may or may not ally themselves with demons. They thrive on fear and enjoy causing incarnate humans to give off fear. They are easy enough to put off by creating a pleasant atmosphere with items such as candles and insence.
Conversely, candles and insence are only tools and can be used to enhance either positive or negative atmospheres, but if the intent is positive, the demonic presences will be put off.
Sometimes encounters with negative entities can be stopped by positive spell work. In other cases it's simply best to avoid the areas that they've made their gateways. It depends on the degree of energy they've already expended on making these areas their own.
Blessed be,
Lily and Friends

Saturday, October 13, 2007


While Lily Strange is an alter ego, she isn't the product of dissociative identity disorder, she is a conscious choice, a defense for my too sensitive "real" self to use as a shield. However, this only goes so far and fucking bipolar disorder sometimes wins. Let me explain something. While this shitty disease causes emotions to be magnified, not all of my emotions are manufactured by my crappy ass hyperactive limbic system. But many a time, a situational emotion is magnified.
I just spent $22 to send books to 3 people who requested them for the purpose of reviewing them. A couple of things. I never, ever, ever read reviews of my work. I could get nine good reviews and the tenth one, which was bad, would stick with me and have me in a shit mood for three months. This doesn't just happen to me, the fucked up in the head chick though. It happens to people like Stephen King too. King says that he quit reading reviews of his books when his wife semi-jokingly threatened to divorce him because he'd be in a foul mood for weeks after reading a bad one. I really don't need to put my long-suffering family through a protracted period of shit mood.
Still, I have to respond to requests for the book to be reviewed because there's not such thing as bad publicity. The damn reviews garner sales. At least they better. I'm beyond broke and I have to somehow pull the money out of my ass to purchase more copies. An author gets a select number of copies when they publish. Above and beyond that we have to buy 'em too. Yeah, I get them wholesale, but that still ain't cheap, especially since I have to order a minimum of 10.
I'm having one of those times when I hate myself for not being a normal person who actually wants to be in some nice profession like nursing. I've tried to change. I've tried to work 9-5. I've tried to deny that the only thing that I'm actually adept at is writing.
Right now the thought of joining my co-author seems like a good one. And despite the fact that he could easily stomp a mudhole in my undead ass once I got over there I don't really even care. It boils down to not wanting my son to find me kacked and the fact that if he's going to succeed in his final year of high school he doesn't need the fact that his shithead bipolar mom killed herself on his head. So I remain--if for no other reason than to piss all the normals off.
I'm definitely in a fuck the world mood. If it wouldn't make things worse I'd get absolutely shitfaced blind stumbling drunk. But that wouldn't change anything either.
I kind of hope I'm never normal. I really wouldn't know what the fuck to do if I was and I'd probably be miserable because I couldn't recognize myself. Guess us nutwads just can't win.
Hope you're doing better than me.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Life Insurance Prejudice

Life insurance companies will not pay survivors of people who commit suicide. This is a holdover from a time when people decided to treat suicide as an act of selfishness, probably part of the same mindset that decided that suicide should be treated as an illegal act rather than an extension of real illness. This same mindset refuses to acknowledge mental illness as "real sickness" such as a physical illness. It is seen as a weakness of character rather than the very real medical problem that it is.
It is time that suicide is recognized as an extension of a true sickness and not to see the sufferer as any worse than a person afflicted with a physical sickness. Survivors of those who commit suicide deserve to be paid death benefits just as much as survivors of a person who dies of cancer or in an accident. Why should the family be punished?
Of course I acknowledge that insurance companies are heartless, money-grubbing entities. But when society as a whole changes its point of view, they may be forced to change their policies.
Suicide is a reaction to a very real problem. Mental illness is real, not a choice that people make. We cannot stop fighting to end the stigma.

Blessed be,

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Too Tired To Spell

Tonight I'm just plain too tired to do manifestation work. Being overly tired is another bad time to do this kind of spell work. I find that lately I have so much to do that I can get one good meditation/spell work in and then that's it for the week. That's actually fine. But I'm such a perfectionist that I tend to beat myself up if I can't do a perfect job every day. It's really hard for me to learn to lay off myself. I will put my Buddha and Tara statues out and light my candle. The energy is still there from what I did a couple of nights ago. The candle attracts the energies of the elementals.
I seem to be on the verge of some positive things manifesting. I am cautiously hopeful.

Monday, October 8, 2007

And then this Pearl of Wisdom Graced My Blog: Part 2

I know you were all waiting for me to get around to providing the next message of salvation from the great all knowing prophet. So here you go! Once again, the words in italics are mine.

"People want "magic"." Magic is the sign of evil, for the gods are employing their powers to hurt the disfavored. "Magic" is the only difference between this way and the Situation going corporate, and this "magic" woudl have enhanced their tactics.
When they employ magic the gods get something out of it. That's how it works. The total absence of magic says something very, very positive about me and the Final Prophet event.
Yes--it says you're jealous because you can't do magic. Or that the gods don't like you.

It was magic that led people into homosexuality, promiscuity, addiction, degeneracy.
Which doesn't explain the existence of spells to help overcome addiction. But that's ok.
Howcome I've been doing magic for almost 25 years and it didn't turn me homosexual? Or promiscuous. Must just be slow. Maybe I'll wake up in another 25 years and be a promiscuous lesbian.
IF YOU FEEL MAGIC REPEL FROM IT, as hard as that may be. It's their way of making things increasingly more difficult.

They say I will be discounted because these geographic clues (penis, boot, Beast) symbolize evil.
I've seen the boot, but where is this Penis? I want to go there!

There is a geographic clue I have yet to address::The Man in the Moon.
I have a moon to show you.
The message behind the clue is that you have to depart Planet Earth before the gods become kind.
Because kindness is obviously a bad thing. Huh???
I suspect they will continue to use it to sell people on "absentee Christian god", for this clue would be instrumental in that capacity.
Lake Michigan clue symbolizes "big balls", and this clue is metaphoric for EXPOSING EVIL THAT IS GOD.
Or that Bon Scott is God! Let's take a break and hear the word of God!

Of the geographic clues I know of the Great Lakes clues are the only ones that are good (umbrella which favors Michigan. Sadly, much like with M&A, good may have been eliminated as the 20th century wore on.).
Either that or the truth is that umbrellas are evil!

If they want recovering relations with Lake Michigan they will turn over ALL placements in my Situaiton, real or telepathic, fulfilled or unrealized.
I AM Horrible.
Well, your writing is at least.
This warning WILL be realized for those foolish enough to not heed.
I got a lot of anger to work out.
Please--get thee to a counselor!
Repulsion will guarentee Brokeback Mountain:::WIN-WIN.
Does this mean that you're in the closet?

My errant acts cause evil to befall the disfavored.
So you're the reason I have money problems? Now I know whose ass to kick!
This is recurring behavior for decades, a tactic used to enhance boss, minimizing the populations receptive to the Final Prophet.
Doesn't zero minus anything equal less than zero?

They sent someone special back.
They've said for years::::"Either way you're going to do the wrong thing." And it is because this is all true:::Either I contribute KNOWINGLY and be used by the gods to put forth this perception of "savior" to the disfavored or I bail out and take three hots and a cot.
Sweet Mother of God...are you saying that you believe you are Jesus?
I'm just getting done what I can before I go in. But it represent the transistion of this event from "virtual" to vocal, for if my fellow inmates chose to hear I will be willing to tell them.
Or are you saying that you are already in a mental institution. Because if this is the case, I wouldn't recommend leaving anytime soon!

I told you:::Be god-fearing. Just like all their tools they want me to sign on and be used for evil just as they've done with presidents, celebrities, athletes and the corporate elite.
They forced this role on me, and it goes as far back as the 70s with my #1 hit song.

39 years defines the "long run".
Soooo--now you're telling us you were a member of the Eagles?

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, fuck you god.
Moral inferior. Don't you have children to light on fire?
Even without my year of psychology studies, I'd have to say that this person really has some serious mental issues and I'm kinda sorry for making fun of them. (obviously not sorry enough to stop. But they did Spam my blog with their rather disturbing diatribe, after all.)
I've often wondered what the hell kind of God lets some of the horrible things that happen in this world happen. I've got a lot of interesting theories. But I'm not going to go around spamming other people with them! You'll read them here, if I decide I want to share them.
Please...get counseling. And if you're already getting it, stick with it. I'm serious about that part. You need it. I'm not saying this as someone who thinks they're above and beyond such things--I'm saying it as someone who knows how it is to need it!
That segment wasn't nearly as much fun as the last one. Let's end it with the Eagles.
A drummer/lead singer is a rare thing. I wonder what sort of sign of evil this is?


Saturday, October 6, 2007

And then this pearl of wisdom graced my blog...part 1

This great fountain of wisdom has been found in the comment area of many blogs. You will notice it comes from "Anonymous." Which is usually synonymous with "coward" or "troll." I present it for your perusal. It was almost more long winded than I can be, and that's pretty damn long winded, so I've broken it into pieces. I hope you'll laugh as heartily as I did! Comments in italics are mine.

Anonymous said...

If you knew the truth you would have great urgency.
Stop thinking wrong:::Children claimed by disease prior to innoculations may really be dead.
Come on, people, Jesus says "get your innoculations and be saved! A-men, hallelujiah, praise the Department of Disease Control!"

No immortality, no reincarnation. This may be the price of being disfavored.
This tactic of "fairness", savoir and Christian god-based hope is fucking you up.
Um...gee, this couldn't be Spam, could it? After all, this nit obviously hasn't read a word I've written. I've never identified myself as a Christian. The only Christians that would open their arms to me are Gnostic Christians and Esoteric Christians and they're considered fringe groups by mainstream bible thumpin' Christians. Most of the bible thumpin' kind believe in a rather judgmental and wrathful God, not a merciful one. So I sure as fuck don't know where the all knowing Anonymous got the idea that I adhere to some sort of Christian god-based hope. Let's pretend for just a minute that they aren't a troll or otherwise a complete crackpot.

Life is a test. Only those worthy will ascend. Contradictions have been manufactured (1906), suggesting temptation, corrupting people and compelling them to think wrong.
Well, as long as this has only been going on since 1906, I guess that we're only a century's worth of fucked.

The other planets are exclusive places. They don't bring most people.
As far as I know, no people have come from the other planets. But then again, watch Mars Attacks. That film wasn't a comedy, it was gospel truth. Swear!

You have to earn it. Nobody is going to save you. Nobody is going to do it for you. You have to save yourself.
If you knew the truth you would have great urgency.


Well, since you put it that way, Anonymous, I'm most certainly going to listen, and I advise everyone else to do the same. Listen up, People! Pay no attention to the fact that the bipolar woman who talks to ghosts hopes that this individual gets on medication soon. They obviously know something that the rest of us don't. From what I've seen so far, it would be that God is loony toons if he has someone like this for his prophet. But stay tuned...there's more...much more!


Thursday, October 4, 2007

Spellwork and Depression

I've read in several books on magick that if you are mentally ill you shouldn't perform the work therein. Well--moose shit! Since I'm mentally ill, does this mean that I should not be able to reap the benefits of doing magick? I think not!
However, I would advise against doing manifestation magick during periods of deep depression. Things manifest according to the frame of mind you are in. A modicum of doubt is normal and really causes very little harm save for minor and probably predicatable delays. Deep feelings of doubt, self-hate and negativity are, however, reasons to delay doing spells for the purpose of manifesting any given thing.
At these times it is best to focus on meditation and attuning oneself to the higher powers. Chants to benevolent, healing deities are excellent during these times, as are clearing types of spells. The Hindu pantheon has several helpful deities who are kind parental figures who love their children even when their children misbehave. Rather than punishing their human wards, they guide and heal them. They impart guidance to aid in self-discipline.
I purchased a box set from Barnes and Noble which includes a statuette of the goddess Tara (aka Kwan Yin) and a booklet with chants and meditations for working with this benevolent deity. I also purchased a small Buddha statuette. Prayers to various forms of the Buddha can be found at the Bristol Buddhist Centre website.
The basic Tara mantra is om-tare-tuttare-ture-soha and the basic Buddha mantra is om-mane-padme-hum. These can be said at any time to ground and center oneself.
If you enjoy using mantras and chants, a fine book with the silly title The Magick of Chant-O-Matics by Ray Buckland can be ordered at the Llewellyn Books website.
I also like Dr. Larry Dossey's books about the healing power of prayer. These are not books touting the merits of any given religion but instead are studies of the universal energy that is there for all of us to use for our benefit. I was fortunate enough to be able to study Dr. Dossey's books with a wise retired Unitarian minister who wrote a fine book of his own, Finding Faith in the Face of Doubt. I feel blessed to have known Joe Willis before he departed this world. He was one of those truly good souls.
The upshot is, it isn't true that people who are mentally ill cannot reap the benefits of magick. The Universal Energy doesn't discriminate--it's there for us all. But the energy we send out is returned in kind and in my own life when I have sent out negative energy, either deliberately or due to being in a negative frame of mind, it has returned with sometimes disastrous consequences. However, calling upon the positive forces for aid and comfort cannot backfire. I wish I had known this a long time ago. I would have saved myself a lot of distress.
Blessed be,

Monday, October 1, 2007

Reading for Donna

Donna says:
"I would love to have you do a reading for me. Please post it on your blog as an example to others if you decide to do the reading.
I am finishing up grad school soon and will be, hopefully, working after that. It would be very interesting to me to see what the cards have to say about my past, present, and future!
Thank you :)"
The reading was a tad delayed because my computer crashed, and besides I think I may be getting a little slow in my old age. But at last it is here!
The Queen of pentacles in the first position represents one who is interested in the well being of her family, herself and society in general. She is concerned with assisting others. She maintains a position of outward emotional stability even if inwardly her emotions may be chaotic and all is in chaos around her. I feel that you are a person who wishes to help others and who others tend to view as being a stabilizing force. Even when you don't really feel you are holding things together you give the impression that you are, and this makes others feel secure being in your presence.
Crossing you is Strength. More than physical strength, this is emotional or mental strength, which supports the first card. You have the ability to finish what you start and to perservere when the going gets tough. This is an inner reserve that you can call upon when you become weary from working so hard towards your goals. It is the extra burst of energy that can get you over the finish line, so to speak. Whether or not you have realized this exists in you previously, it is there. Yours is at the heart of things a very stable and strong soul, able to endure much.
In the goals and destiny position is the Magician. More than an actual practitioner of magick, the Magician is a person who makes things happen. Act on your tendency to be driven towards goals but also listen to your hunches. Write down any odd fleeting thoughts that may come to you and then look at them in a day or two. These often lead to creative ways of acheiving your goals. You are intelligent and resourceful and will always be able to come up with a solution by relying on your intuition.
The four of swords shows that in the past something tragic occurred that had quite an impact on your life. While not a card of complete destruction such as the Tower or the 10 of Swords, the nine of swords is a card of extreme emotional distress. I perceive a strong fear of abandonment that was caused at this time. At the foundation of many of your choices is a desire never to feel this helpless again.
The eight of pentacles represents apprenticeship for a craft, which would be your studies. You are building a good foundation for the future.
The Justice card is in the near future position. If there are any matters in your life where a decision by another is pending, the decision will be in your favor. This also signifies your tendency to try and keep balance in your life and to treat others fairly. This is a positive trait that will draw positive outcomes for you.
The seven of swords indicates a feeling of self doubt and fear of betrayal. In spite of many things going in a positive direction, there is a fear that all will fall apart. There is some subconscious difficulty in trusting others and a feeling that if things are going too well there must be something bad waiting around the corner. This is a personal feeling and not an indication of actual impending crisis. It is followed by the Knight of Rods, which also indicates some impatience to finish what you are currently working on and to move foreward. While seeking better things for yourself is positive, there is a caution not to behave impulsively or to try and escape a situation which is causing temporary discomfort. It is important to analyze what may be fear based feelings driving you to take impulsive actions. The other cards indicate that these feelings stem from the past trauma and when looked at objectively will be revealed for what they are.
The empress indicates a tendency to nurture others, which is positive. There is a need to nurture yourself as well. Working towards a goal is always commendable but one often neglects spiritual and emotional needs while doing so. Take care of your heart as well as your developing ambitions.
The card in the outcome position is known variously as Judgment, Atonement or Karma. With your tendency to behave in a balanced fashion, you are drawing positive things to you. There is some impatience but this is tempered by your good sense. You will most certainly succeed in your studies and be prepared to advance into a career. The reading as a whole indicates a need for balance. Although certainly you'll want to start work in your chosen career, if possible you should take a brief vacation before diving right into seeking the best position. Should the right position find you before this is possible, take a long weekend to relax and treat yourself well. You are a strong, positive person who harbors a few self doubts but has the ability to overcome them. Sometimes you work yourself too hard. Again, rely on your intuition and continue your balanced attitude. You are on the right path!
If I can be of further assistance, let me know.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Reading Example

This is a reading that I did for a friend who also has bipolar disorder. I hope it displays the kind of attention I pay to readings I do for others. My friend held a very important position in her professional life before her illness sidelined her. I perceived her as feeling at loose ends, wanting to feel that she is achieving something in life. Of course I feel that the things she does in everyday life and the strength she shows in dealing with her disease are great accomplishments. But I understand the need to feel that one has accomplished something on a personal level.
I appreciate my friend allowing me to use this reading as an example.

> The initial card, the 8 of pentacles, represents learning new skills. I feel in this case it means learning skills to cope with your condition, as this wasn't something you had to cope with previously. This truly is a job in itself. Actually incorporating these skills is complicated by the scrutiny of others in your life, whether these are family members, people in general, or perceptions of "sanity" and "insanity." This is represented by the queen of swords, a cuttingly sensible kind of personality. Hers are impossibly rigid standards. She can represent a person's inner critic, who is often incredibly harsh and perfectionistic.
> The ace of cauldrons represents achieving peace of mind through spiritual understanding. Pursuing spiritual learning and doing meditation will be particularly helpful at this time.
> The three of pentacles represents your working life and achievements, which you were very proud of. Adjusting to the difficulties that terminated this life are very difficult and this often causes you to be unable to see your true worth. Yet the six of rods indicates your triumph over the attitude of self-defeat more and more often. You have a lot to teach others and are a
great, positive influence, more than you can imagine.
>The eight of rods indicates a time of blessings. I feel they will be small in nature but the cumulative effect will be very positive for your sense of well being and happiness. This time will last for approximately six months.
> The eight of swords again echoes how trapped you feel by your situation and your condition. Yet the three of cups indicates a multitude of persons who have good will towards you and will do whatever they can to help support you. The three of swords indicates a powerful depressive internal atmosphere. The thing that will get you through this is to draw upon the energies expressed in the Emperor card. The most beneficial assistance at this time is to be found in masculine energies. If your physician is male, pay particular attention to his advice at this time. Also seek assistance from God energies, by calling upon male deities for strength or by tapping into the masculine energies in your own soul, as all souls have both male and female polarities.
> The next several months are also beneficial for brainstorming, writing down ideas and beginning projects. The time is not yet right for working on details or finalizing projects that you have begun. The key words are inspiration and energy as opposed to formation and solidification.
> Though the Tarot is my favorite tool for divination, it often seems very heavy-handed. This is why I also like to give a clarification reading from a deck that has a lighter energy. In this case, the Mermaids and Dolphins deck by Doreen Virtue.
> The first card, representing the past, cautions to watch your thoughts. The reason for this, of course, is that thoughts have energy. Of course it's impossible to always have positive thoughts. Fear based thoughts will creep in. The key is to acknowledge that you are having the thought, but negate its energy by telling it, either internally or aloud, that you will not allow it to have power over you. Positive affirmations and prayers can be helpful in negating the negative energy of obsessive thoughts. If possible, replace the negative thought with an opposing positive affirmation. With recurring obsessive thoughts it is sometimes necessary to ignore rather than acknowledge them, simply acknowledging that the thought is the product of
obsession rather than reality.
> The card in the present position is the healing heart. This card calls upon you to acknowledge your positive affect on others and your healing energies. There is again a caution to cultivate positive thoughts as much as possible. If you wish, call on angels or deities to direct you to use this energy tobest help yourself and others.
> The third card represents the future influence. It is self employment. Going back to the Emperor card, it might be a good time to investigate possibilities for legitimate businesses that could be done online rather than requiring a physical presence at a job. I have no stake in this because I wouldn't get any kick-back if you signed up. I haven't signed up yet either, it's just something I was looking into this morning. A business of this nature might be appealing.
(Note: I now have some stake in enticing people to sign up for this business but at the time I didn't. Check out Cie's distributor web page.)
> My energy is kind of tapped by now (after about 45 minutes, my ability to hone in and be accurate starts to fade) but if you'd like, I can do another reading to investigate this further!

Readings are $50 and take approximately 1 hour to complete. Click here to request a reading. Great care is taken in interpreting the impressions received from the cards to best advise the questioner. Readings can be obtained for free if you purchase copy of the book or if you agree to have the results posted on this blog as an example. Don't worry, I won't use your real name!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Ten Bucks to WHO

So far we've sent ten dollars to the World Health Organization thanks to a generous donation from a friend, who we will mention by name and link to should she want us to. But we want to donate much, much more. Help us by spreading the word about the book, buying a copy or making a donation. Right now we have a great gift for everyone who makes a donation or buys an autographed copy. Go to the official website and find out more!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

All Work and No Play

I don't have a lot of readers here yet, but I still wanted to say for the few that I do have that I had become quite depressed from being too busy. That does happen to me, being bipolar and all. I'm not sure how much I'll go into the feelings of suicide ideation or things like that.
A lot of things are changing, being rearranged. I am not one of those people that deals well with change. Even positive change is very stressful to me. I need to step back and analyze what I'm doing and what needs to be done.
I hope that what I say here will perhaps help someone, even if only to know they are not alone.

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Hallucination vs. Communication

Merry meet!
I know that I'm going to encounter the type that believes that because I have bipolar disorder, my spirit communication is nothing but hallucination. But I only hallucinate when I'm
a) on prescription pain meds
b) tripping on psychotropic drugs
c) really tired
d) really sick and have a high fever.
I try to avoid a) because the hallucinations that these cause are almost always bad, such as demons and red-eyed giant bats with blood dripping from their fangs. Medical professionals don't want to believe that people can hallucinate from these medications. When I was hospitalized after having my son via c-section 17.5 years ago I had to argue with both the nurse and the doctor that Darvocet was causing me to hallucinate.
"It doesn't do that," the nurse insisted.
"Well, that's fine," I said. "At least now I know that the huge bat with the red eyes and blood dripping from its fangs is real."
Not for the first time, I was dubbed a "smart ass" and a "trouble maker" by medical staff.
I haven't done b) in 25 years. Except for the time I was certain that my tongue was trying to crawl down my throat, the types of hallucinations I had while indulging in psychotropic drugs were invariably very bright neon colors and included a field full of poinsettias (feel free to hit me upside the head--I was driving while tripping when I saw this) colorful insects, small animals such as rats, cats and dogs, but obviously not rats, cats and dogs from this world; and UFO's. Not aliens, just UFO's. I watched a donut turn into a UFO one time and take off into the sky. Great fun!
I never once perceived a human spirit while tripping. I would sometimes perceive either angelic or demonic presences. The barrier between ourselves and such beings is broken down by the use of such drugs, but that is a discussion for another time. I don't think most human spirits are able to break through the mental static that I generate when messing my brain up this way.
When I'm c) very tired, I again tend to see animals. They aren't glowing or neon, they just don't belong. Penguins and snakes are a favorite and once I saw a gigantic rooster. Last week when entering a state of complete exhaustion I chanced to see a face on an oven fry. I didn't eat that one!
When d) feverish (like I was tonight) I might see animals or mythological creatures. Tonight while burning up with a 102 degree fever (food poisoning is such fun!) I looked over and saw a small gargoyle sitting on the table nearby to the couch I was resting on. Sometimes with creatures like this, I believe they might really be present, I just can't see them without the veil between worlds being eroded a bit. Some of these hallucinations may actually be elemental beings. The gargoyle, whatever it was, had a friendly presence, so I didn't dismiss it.
One thing that these states of mind do not help with is spirit communication. Everything that my spectral co-author attempted to say to me during this time (while extremely exhausted and then having the fever) came through as static. I had to fight to feel if he was present and he had to fight to make his presence known. Since we've been working together for 2 years now, we're pretty well in tune to each other's vibration. Once he was able to say anything again he said it was like trying to talk to somebody using radio communication and getting a lot of static, and also like trying to walk through a very dense fog to reach the person.
If the boundaries between worlds become very eroded, i.e. if a person is deathly ill, they will be able to see spirits and creatures such as angels, demons and elementals more readily because the sick person is preparing to pass into that world.
The thing that I've found in my life is that there is no one truth. Some visions are true hallucinations, produced by brain chemicals that are temporarily or permanently whacked. Some things that appear to be hallucinations aren't. One has to learn to judge and to realize that sometimes the answer won't be clear and to just accept that they are seeing something that may or may not be real.
Another time I'll discuss my view on psychosis and illnesses such as schizophrenia.
Merry part until we meet again.

Monday, September 3, 2007

Fashion Disaster

While reading this article I found myself really glad to have raised a son that doesn't give a rip about fashion. He likes t-shirts, polo shirts, baseball shirt and the occasional Hawaiian shirt. He wears Dockers, cords and jeans. He loves his soft suede Addidas hiking shoes that I got for around $60. They're well made and will easily last a year. He doesn't give a damn about the price tag and, as a young man who somehow came out very sensible about money, feels that the cheaper you can get what you want, the better. Thankfully he always preferred pants that stayed up rather than wanting to expose his boxer shorts to the world.
When I was his age going to school with a bunch of bible thumpers, the way I dressed said Satan Worshipper. Not because of the bloodstains on my clothes or the animal heads I kept in my locker. Because the t-shirts I favored said things like AC/DC and Iron Maiden.
Hey, what do ya know--I still wear those! The jeans don't fit any more though. Sadly I'm twice the size of my former self. I always wore my shirts big, so those still fit. Even more sadly, I thought my once 116 pound self was fat. Honey, I did not know from fat. If I got back to weighing that much, I'm afraid I'd have to call myself "deathly sick." It ain't gonna happen. And if it did, it would just sag down to my feet. Time is a bastard.
Looking back on that mixed up undiagnosed bipolar headbanger child, I think what she really needed was some guidance and someone to listen to her. She had damn good taste in music though!
I hope that the bipolar gene never activates in my son. Seriously, the fucking thing is like a time bomb. Normally it onsets at puberty but there are things that can trigger its activation later in life. I hope for his sake he never has to find out what it's like.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Funny Nightmares

I've suffered from nightmares all of my life. I also call them "brain sweats." Dreams take various forms. Nightmares are often the psyche's way of bringing buried crap to the surface.

For me, nightmares sometimes indicate that I'm about to go through a period of psychological fuckery. Since I rapid cycle, I'm never sure how long this period is going to last. Also, with bipolar disorder our emotions aren't only controlled by biochemical upheaval, although I sometimes find myself questioning what my real emotions are and which sometimes overwhelming emotions are dictated by having fucked up brain chemistry.
I was unable to sleep worth a crap yesterday. I was very restless, yet extremely exhausted at the same time. Wired and tired. I couldn't get anything productive done. I farted around with banner ads and watched one of the worst horror movies I've ever seen. Anyone who's ever read the story "The Lottery" knows that it's a chilling and well-written tale. The townspeople in the story are a portrait of the kind of thinking that allowed atrocities such as Nazi Germany to happen. People do terrible things in the name of tradition, not looking beyond what society has dictated. The Lottery was a very effective story. It is well respected now, but Shirley Jackson initially got a great deal of hate mail for it. Read the Wikipedia entry about the story and Shirley Jackson.
Shirley must have rolled over in her grave when they made this dreadful movie based on her story. You can see the IMDB entry for this stinker here. Do not watch it. It is horrible, and I don't mean that in a good way.
I finally fell asleep and dreamed that I was in this post-apocalyptic looking town. One of the de facto leaders of the gang that controlled the town decided that he didn't like me and I was to be stoned in order to please Satan, or, more likely, just for the fun of the gang members. The gang members were all calling out supposed offenses I'd committed. The females accused me of trying to steal their boyfriends. The males accused me of offenses like prostitution. All this when I'd only just gotten into town--I work fast, I guess! I started to walk quickly in order to conserve energy for when I had to run, figuring that this was my last stand because even in my youth, I was never a particularly fast runner. I was on the cross country team in my sophomore year in high school. I came in last. That should tell you.
I saw this little Pomeranian dog as I was making my way through the town. The streets were filled with rubble. More and more townies approached, picking up bits of rubble. Some of them threw rocks at the Pomeranian, saying "let's kill it too." I picked up the dog and began to move faster. And then I realized that the dog was communicating telepathically with me. Her name was Felice (which was also one of the characters in the awful movie) and she said she could help me escape. She asked me to look back for a minute and take note of the dwarf that was leading the mob. I saw him. It wasn't a little person dwarf, it was more like a stereotype fairy tale dwarf. Felice told me to throw her at the dwarf and then run and get the soldiers who were approaching the edge of town. She told me not to worry, that she couldn't be killed. She wasn't really a dog, she was a magical familiar.
Doing as Felice said and hoping I wasn't losing my mind and hurling a helpless dog to its death, I turned and hurled her at the dwarf. She latched onto his throat and threw him to the ground, snarling and worrying at his larynx. My pursuers were thrown into chaos. Without their leader's mind control, they didn't know what to do. I hurried towards the tanks and jeeps that I saw coming towards the town.
This is an incredibly silly dream, but many of my ideas use nightmares I've had as a basis. So you never know...this may appear as part of a chapter in a future book!
Remember, you heard it here first.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


When I do divinations for others, I generally use Tarot cards. I find it difficult to read for myself because I tend to read my own biases towards my situation into the results and I also tend to ignore what I see if I don't like it. It's always good to get clarification from another reader on your personal situations, and the best person is someone who doesn't know you well personally because they can be objective.
The system I use for myself much of the time is the Karma Cards system by Monte Farber. It's simple to use and difficult to misinterpret.
The reading works like this. Shuffle and draw from the Planets, Signs and Houses decks. If you want to know the outcome of a situation, read the sentences printed in blue. If you want to know what action to take, read the sentences printed in red. I look at both.
There are three sections. The S represents the spiritual, or what is best for the nurturing of your soul. The M is mental, or what is best for the nurturing of your intellect. The P is physical, or what is best for the nurturing of your body.
Here is my reading for the day.
Planets: Mercury
Signs: Taurus
Houses: First

Spiritual: Communicate your beliefs immediately
Mental: Analyze the costs of the way you protect yourself
Physical: Let your mind tell you how to use the most direct way and do it on your own.

Spiritual: The awareness of resources to maintain who you are
Mental: Many thoughts about or from the practicality of your desires
Physical: Many words resulting from the productivity of your actions

One of my issues is maintaining a sense of individuality while trying to promote this book. I don't want to exploit my partner (the ghost writer) in order to promote the book, and I am not attempting to gain notoriety. I want to share what I feel this story has to offer, not just hype it to make a quick sale. I agonize over the thin line between hype and promotion. I am not a competitive person. I have no need to try and "de-throne" Stephen King or outsell J.K. Rowling. I have no need to be the "greatest horror novelist ever." While I hope to achieve plenty of sales, to open people's minds and to get a lot of money for my cause, I don't care about people saying "Lily Strange is the greatest author ever." I'm fine with people saying "Lily Strange is a pretty good writer." And I hope they'll say "you have to read this book!"
I'm willing to hype a little bit to sell the book. But I'm not willing to lie and I'm not willing to exploit my co-author, who had a very tough life. I think that one of the reasons he befriended me is because he trusted me not to exploit him. He may look intimidating physically, and he may have tried to act tough in life but he's actually quite fragile emotionally. And while he does want to tell his story, he's been a bit uncertain about revealing himself though he knows its the only way. I certainly know how he feels! I'm a very private person in real life and exposing this (controversial) part of my personality is difficult for me.
So while self-promotion goes against my nature, it comes down to the fact that I have to do it. But I also have to stand firm about maintaining my integrity. This reading addresses that. And that's why its important to use these tools to check in with the esoteric forces.
Remember, if you want me to do a reading for you I can do a private one for $25 or I can do the reading and publish the results here, free of charge. I will not reveal your identity. Your privacy and my integrity are both of the utmost concern to me.
Best wishes,

Hindu Deity of the Day: Kama Deva

Here is a statue of Kama Deva and his wife Rati, the Goddess of sexual desire. This statue can be purchased from Trade Express.

Kama Deva is the Hindu god of love. He is said to be the son of Lakshmi and Vishnu. Like Eros/Cupid he carries a bow and shoots arrows to cause people to fall in love.
Call on Kama Deva not only to inspire desire in someone who has captured your attentions, but also to help in an existing relationship that the spark may have gone out of, or to heal sexual dysfunctions.

Here is a good descriptive page with a story about Kama Deva

This is the Kama Deva Yantra, which is purported to help with problems in the sexual area of romance. I can't vouch for it as I've never tried it myself. But I thought it might be of interest.