SAD and other Screwed Up Brain Things

At this time of year, many people experience SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. The change in light causes certain folks to become depressed and lethargic, sometimes even suicidal. There are therapeutic lamps and "Sun Boxes" that can be helpful. These can be found by doing an online search. I can't recommend any particular one as I really haven't tried them myself.

I actually experience something of a "reverse SAD," where my seasonal depression comes in the spring rather than the winter. This is more common than people think. Several studies have shown that April is actually the month that holds the dubious distinction of being the time when the greatest number of people commit suicide, and I must say, if I were going to do it, April would be the time because that's when I feel my absolute worst. My seasonal depresion starts in March and I don't come out of it till May.

In the winter there's sometimes a cruddy lethargy, but usually not an out and out depression. I just feel generally like crap most of the time, so it's hard to tell the difference. I'm feeling ok right now. But if I don't quit gaining weight I'm going to be the size of a house. Between the low thyroid levels, taking Lithium, working nights, being an olde phart over 40, stressed out as hell and then there's that pesky wanting to actually eat solid food sometimes rather than meal replacement shakes always--I guess I'm doomed to be large. If I could at least be large and in charge I'd feel better about it!

Taking vitamin D has been helpful for me because working nights I don't get much sun. I still experience depression, which is worst around that certain unlovely time of the month, but the suicidal thoughts have been greatly reduced. Not that I don't have them any more, but I seem to have mellowed them out quite a bit. Maybe vitamin D is like pot for suicidal thoughts. They're still there but they're too busy vegging out to be as much of a bother to me. Whatever works, I say!

Perhaps folks with SAD would benefit from a bit of extra vitamin D. It's very safe and very inexpensive. The recommended dosage is 2000 units per day. Give it a try. It can't hurt and it might just help.

And it may sound trite, but try to remember--it's just your brain chemistry fucking with you. You don't really want to off yourself.

Best wishes and hope for happiness,

Lily

All Work and No Play

I don't have a lot of readers here yet, but I still wanted to say for the few that I do have that I had become quite depressed from being too busy. That does happen to me, being bipolar and all. I'm not sure how much I'll go into the feelings of suicide ideation or things like that.
A lot of things are changing, being rearranged. I am not one of those people that deals well with change. Even positive change is very stressful to me. I need to step back and analyze what I'm doing and what needs to be done.
I hope that what I say here will perhaps help someone, even if only to know they are not alone.
Blessings,
Lily

Fashion Disaster

While reading this article I found myself really glad to have raised a son that doesn't give a rip about fashion. He likes t-shirts, polo shirts, baseball shirt and the occasional Hawaiian shirt. He wears Dockers, cords and jeans. He loves his soft suede Addidas hiking shoes that I got for around $60. They're well made and will easily last a year. He doesn't give a damn about the price tag and, as a young man who somehow came out very sensible about money, feels that the cheaper you can get what you want, the better. Thankfully he always preferred pants that stayed up rather than wanting to expose his boxer shorts to the world.

When I was his age going to school with a bunch of bible thumpers, the way I dressed said Satan Worshipper. Not because of the bloodstains on my clothes or the animal heads I kept in my locker. Because the t-shirts I favored said things like AC/DC and Iron Maiden.

Hey, what do ya know--I still wear those! The jeans don't fit any more though. Sadly I'm twice the size of my former self. I always wore my shirts big, so those still fit. Even more sadly, I thought my once 116 pound self was fat. Honey, I did not know from fat. If I got back to weighing that much, I'm afraid I'd have to call myself "deathly sick." It ain't gonna happen. And if it did, it would just sag down to my feet. Time is a bastard.

Looking back on that mixed up undiagnosed bipolar headbanger child, I think what she really needed was some guidance and someone to listen to her. She had damn good taste in music though!

I hope that the bipolar gene never activates in my son. Seriously, the fucking thing is like a time bomb. Normally it onsets at puberty but there are things that can trigger its activation later in life. I hope for his sake he never has to find out what it's like.