Friday, August 31, 2007

Funny Nightmares

I've suffered from nightmares all of my life. I also call them "brain sweats." Dreams take various forms. Nightmares are often the psyche's way of bringing buried crap to the surface.

For me, nightmares sometimes indicate that I'm about to go through a period of psychological fuckery. Since I rapid cycle, I'm never sure how long this period is going to last. Also, with bipolar disorder our emotions aren't only controlled by biochemical upheaval, although I sometimes find myself questioning what my real emotions are and which sometimes overwhelming emotions are dictated by having fucked up brain chemistry.
I was unable to sleep worth a crap yesterday. I was very restless, yet extremely exhausted at the same time. Wired and tired. I couldn't get anything productive done. I farted around with banner ads and watched one of the worst horror movies I've ever seen. Anyone who's ever read the story "The Lottery" knows that it's a chilling and well-written tale. The townspeople in the story are a portrait of the kind of thinking that allowed atrocities such as Nazi Germany to happen. People do terrible things in the name of tradition, not looking beyond what society has dictated. The Lottery was a very effective story. It is well respected now, but Shirley Jackson initially got a great deal of hate mail for it. Read the Wikipedia entry about the story and Shirley Jackson.
Shirley must have rolled over in her grave when they made this dreadful movie based on her story. You can see the IMDB entry for this stinker here. Do not watch it. It is horrible, and I don't mean that in a good way.
I finally fell asleep and dreamed that I was in this post-apocalyptic looking town. One of the de facto leaders of the gang that controlled the town decided that he didn't like me and I was to be stoned in order to please Satan, or, more likely, just for the fun of the gang members. The gang members were all calling out supposed offenses I'd committed. The females accused me of trying to steal their boyfriends. The males accused me of offenses like prostitution. All this when I'd only just gotten into town--I work fast, I guess! I started to walk quickly in order to conserve energy for when I had to run, figuring that this was my last stand because even in my youth, I was never a particularly fast runner. I was on the cross country team in my sophomore year in high school. I came in last. That should tell you.
I saw this little Pomeranian dog as I was making my way through the town. The streets were filled with rubble. More and more townies approached, picking up bits of rubble. Some of them threw rocks at the Pomeranian, saying "let's kill it too." I picked up the dog and began to move faster. And then I realized that the dog was communicating telepathically with me. Her name was Felice (which was also one of the characters in the awful movie) and she said she could help me escape. She asked me to look back for a minute and take note of the dwarf that was leading the mob. I saw him. It wasn't a little person dwarf, it was more like a stereotype fairy tale dwarf. Felice told me to throw her at the dwarf and then run and get the soldiers who were approaching the edge of town. She told me not to worry, that she couldn't be killed. She wasn't really a dog, she was a magical familiar.
Doing as Felice said and hoping I wasn't losing my mind and hurling a helpless dog to its death, I turned and hurled her at the dwarf. She latched onto his throat and threw him to the ground, snarling and worrying at his larynx. My pursuers were thrown into chaos. Without their leader's mind control, they didn't know what to do. I hurried towards the tanks and jeeps that I saw coming towards the town.
This is an incredibly silly dream, but many of my ideas use nightmares I've had as a basis. So you never know...this may appear as part of a chapter in a future book!
Remember, you heard it here first.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


When I do divinations for others, I generally use Tarot cards. I find it difficult to read for myself because I tend to read my own biases towards my situation into the results and I also tend to ignore what I see if I don't like it. It's always good to get clarification from another reader on your personal situations, and the best person is someone who doesn't know you well personally because they can be objective.
The system I use for myself much of the time is the Karma Cards system by Monte Farber. It's simple to use and difficult to misinterpret.
The reading works like this. Shuffle and draw from the Planets, Signs and Houses decks. If you want to know the outcome of a situation, read the sentences printed in blue. If you want to know what action to take, read the sentences printed in red. I look at both.
There are three sections. The S represents the spiritual, or what is best for the nurturing of your soul. The M is mental, or what is best for the nurturing of your intellect. The P is physical, or what is best for the nurturing of your body.
Here is my reading for the day.
Planets: Mercury
Signs: Taurus
Houses: First

Spiritual: Communicate your beliefs immediately
Mental: Analyze the costs of the way you protect yourself
Physical: Let your mind tell you how to use the most direct way and do it on your own.

Spiritual: The awareness of resources to maintain who you are
Mental: Many thoughts about or from the practicality of your desires
Physical: Many words resulting from the productivity of your actions

One of my issues is maintaining a sense of individuality while trying to promote this book. I don't want to exploit my partner (the ghost writer) in order to promote the book, and I am not attempting to gain notoriety. I want to share what I feel this story has to offer, not just hype it to make a quick sale. I agonize over the thin line between hype and promotion. I am not a competitive person. I have no need to try and "de-throne" Stephen King or outsell J.K. Rowling. I have no need to be the "greatest horror novelist ever." While I hope to achieve plenty of sales, to open people's minds and to get a lot of money for my cause, I don't care about people saying "Lily Strange is the greatest author ever." I'm fine with people saying "Lily Strange is a pretty good writer." And I hope they'll say "you have to read this book!"
I'm willing to hype a little bit to sell the book. But I'm not willing to lie and I'm not willing to exploit my co-author, who had a very tough life. I think that one of the reasons he befriended me is because he trusted me not to exploit him. He may look intimidating physically, and he may have tried to act tough in life but he's actually quite fragile emotionally. And while he does want to tell his story, he's been a bit uncertain about revealing himself though he knows its the only way. I certainly know how he feels! I'm a very private person in real life and exposing this (controversial) part of my personality is difficult for me.
So while self-promotion goes against my nature, it comes down to the fact that I have to do it. But I also have to stand firm about maintaining my integrity. This reading addresses that. And that's why its important to use these tools to check in with the esoteric forces.
Remember, if you want me to do a reading for you I can do a private one for $25 or I can do the reading and publish the results here, free of charge. I will not reveal your identity. Your privacy and my integrity are both of the utmost concern to me.
Best wishes,

Hindu Deity of the Day: Kama Deva

Here is a statue of Kama Deva and his wife Rati, the Goddess of sexual desire. This statue can be purchased from Trade Express.

Kama Deva is the Hindu god of love. He is said to be the son of Lakshmi and Vishnu. Like Eros/Cupid he carries a bow and shoots arrows to cause people to fall in love.
Call on Kama Deva not only to inspire desire in someone who has captured your attentions, but also to help in an existing relationship that the spark may have gone out of, or to heal sexual dysfunctions.

Here is a good descriptive page with a story about Kama Deva

This is the Kama Deva Yantra, which is purported to help with problems in the sexual area of romance. I can't vouch for it as I've never tried it myself. But I thought it might be of interest.

Meeting Lord Ganesha

Lord Ganesha

The following is an experience that I had a few days ago during my meditation and spell work.

When I was growing up, I was taught that wishing for money was evil. My parents read me the story "The Monkey's Paw" as an illustration that if you wish for money, God will punish you for money is the root of all evil. Such a wish is a selfish wish and anyone brazen enough to wish for something so selfish as money would be granted sorrow.
When I discovered metaphysics, it seemed logical to me that wishing for money was not in itself evil, but I could never bring myself to try and attract money because of my earlier training, although I would be very generous with my money. I still felt very uncomfortable doing spell work to bring more money into my life.
Tonight, I had the rare and beautiful occurrence of a spontaneous manifestation from the benevolent Lord Ganesha, the Vedic God of plenty. This is not to say that I saw a 20 foot tall human-elephant hybrid standing before me, but I did see the benevolent deity very clearly in my mind's eye and I felt his kindness and knew that if I wished for what I needed through him, it could never manifest in a negative way. Lord Ganesha is a merciful deity and would never play a wicked trick on those who turn to him in their time of need. Nor would he punish the innocent for the wicked deeds of one family member or associate.
I often become too wrapped up in doing things perfectly. I had a couple of very "heavy" days of meditation, worship and spirit contact. Lord Ganesha asked me to make this day an easy and fun day, to perform but a few spells and to ask for and allow his help. He knows the heart of those who petition him and he knows that my intentions are good. I feel honored that he manifested to me without my asking and gave me his blessing. I know I can always turn to Lord Ganesha and while this isn't a "genie in the bottle" sort of thing where all I wish is instantaneously dropped on my doorstep I know that he will never punish me or those I love and if he sees error in my ways, he will find a method of getting the message across kindly, for he is all benevolence. Blessed be Lord Ganesha and great is my thanks to him for his blessings.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The Garden by HP Lovecraft

HPL is one of my greatest literary influences. He is less well known for his poems. I find both his poetry and prose amazing. Here is one of my favorites.

The Garden
by H. P. Lovecraft

There's an ancient, ancient garden that I see sometimes in dreams,
Where the very Maytime sunlight plays and glows with spectral gleams;
Where the gaudy-tinted blossoms seem to wither into grey,
And the crumbling walls and pillars waken thoughts of yesterday.
There are vines in nooks and crannies, and there's moss about the pool,
And the tangled weedy thicket chokes the arbour dark and cool:
In the silent sunken pathways springs a herbage sparse and spare,
Where the musty scent of dead things dulls the fragrance of the air.
There is not a living creature in the lonely space arouna,
And the hedge~encompass'd d quiet never echoes to a sound.
As I walk, and wait, and listen, I will often seek to find
When it was I knew that garden in an age long left behind;
I will oft conjure a vision of a day that is no more,
As I gaze upon the grey, grey scenes I feel I knew before.
Then a sadness settles o'er me, and a tremor seems to start -
For I know the flow'rs are shrivell'd hopes - the garden is my heart.


Check out this Lovecraft fan's collection of HPL's works

The Garden

Welcome to Lily's garden of horrors, to the cesspool of my mind and the well of tears in my heart.
I'm actually not miserable all of the time. In fact I have an alter ego, The Cheesemeister, who expresses my comedic side. I don't share much of that work, however. It isn't saleable, it's completely off the wall, it's inflammatory, and most people just plain don't get it. It is, however, a stress reliever (in some ways a life saver) and I need to be able to do it without being attacked.
When I say I have an "alter ego," I suppose that I should qualify that Lily Strange is actually an alter ego as well. That isn't my real name, in case it wasn't obvious. I do not have dissociative identity disorder, but I do have what I consider something of a fractured personality. "I" am always conscious of what's going on and "I" am always in control of my actions. Both Lily and the Cheesemeister are something akin to what "Alice Cooper" the psychotic character is to Alice Cooper the person, aka Vincent Furnier. The "real" Alice Cooper is a nice guy, a good son, a loving husband and father, AND he plays golf, the world's most boring game ever! (Sorry golfers.) "Alice Cooper" on the other hand is a seething cesspit of sociopathology. He is definitely not a nice guy, he probably killed both of his parents with an axe, he eats children, and he hates golf. This is why he doesn't get to come out and play except on stage.
We've all got a bit of Alice Cooper in us.
In real life I'm a very boring 42 year old mom who is proud of her son and trys (but falls short) to help her aging parents. I like to cook--as long as it isn't stuff that's supposed to turn out looking pretty and it doesn't take a long time to prepare. I go to work at night in a retirement community. I don't go out much. I like to play board games. And I like to read. I'm liberal in both the religious and political sense, but I do have some pretty strict guidelines for myself. I deal with having bipolar disorder. I'm fighting an ongoing battle with my weight--usually my weight wins. I have a great face for radio. And other than the fact that I talk to ghosts, I'm really a pretty big bore of a human being. I'm not going to talk a lot about my real life here.
Of course the "real me" and the alter egos do share things in common. We love to read horror novels and watch horror films. I will talk about that here. I've been studying metaphysics for a number of years. I'll talk about metaphysical topics here. And if anyone would like to request a divination, click on my email address. I can do it privately through Pay Pal for $25 for a question, or I can do it here for free. I promise not to use your name or to call or email your family members.
"Hey guess what, Mrs. Plodovsky! Your son just wrote me asking me to do a reading to see if his romantic affair with the family sheep was real love or just barnyard lust! For only 10,000 dollars, I promise not to tell the local newspaper!"
Only kidding. And please--if you have this problem, don't ask me about it.
This gives you some idea of my sense of humor and why it's best kept hidden.
I have a couple of other blogs. One is for the purpose of sharing the book I have written, and hopefully enticing people to buy said book. The other is to talk about the hideously boring and frustrating end of being an author: promotion and web page design. Ick, ick, ick! I do not have the money (YET!) to hire a publicist or a web designer. I have a crap web design program, am not in any way an HTML sorceress, and do not yet have the money to purchase Dream Weaver. But it shall be mine...oh yes!
I know I come off as snarky. I am snarky. I'm a huge curmudgeon. But I don't bite unless provoked. I don't necessarily expect people to believe that I can talk to ghosts, but I do expect anyone who disagrees to behave in a mature and polite fashion towards both myself and other commenters. Comments are moderated and if I think the commenter is simply an immature ass or looking to start trouble, their comment will be deleted. I don't tolerate trolls. I don't expect ass kissing, but I try to be generally polite and I expect others to do the same. I sometimes deal with sensitive subject matter and I expect a modicum of sensitivity from those who choose to comment on it. I hate to come off like an asshole, but sometimes one has to be an asshole to protect themselves from people who get some sort of lame kick out of being mean-spirited. I took my Cheesemeister blogs underground because of a moron of that kind. I will not do that in this case. "I" am very sensitive and easily hurt. "Lily," on the other hand, is perfectly capable of dismissing what she considers inane comments (and inane commenters.) While generally polite, if she thinks somebody is an idiot she could care less about offending them.
The spirit that I wrote the book with has dissociative identity disorder, and I have bipolar disorder. While we don't mind a bit of mild teasing regarding mental health issues, we will not tolerate disparaging remarks about people who are mentally ill. Hate speech of any kind will in fact not be tolerated.
Generally I (Lily) will be the person to answer any questions. If you ask the ghost something directly, one of his personalities will try to answer. This is at your own risk. If the snarky protector personality thinks the question is stupid, he will say so and I will convey whatever he says. If he thinks the question is really stupid, he simply won't answer it. Also, keep in mind that I don't consider myself a professional medium and though I have a fair level of accuracy, I can misinterpret things. I can't tell you things like what his favorite toy was as a child (particularly since his protector personality is likely to say something like his pet weasel) or the name of his best friend. I'm not good at picking up names/initials or exact dates, and my hat is off to any medium who is adept in this area. I pick up emotions and what I call "pure thought." Details are sometimes lost to me.
You can read more about the book, the ghost, and me at the official Lily Strange website. You can marvel at my great web design skills...or my lack thereof.
All right, enough of this. I'm going to start sharing some of the things I enjoy. I hope you like them too. If you do, feel free to say so. If you don't, you may also feel free to say so. But do it in a respectful fashion.