SAD and other Screwed Up Brain Things

At this time of year, many people experience SAD or Seasonal Affective Disorder. The change in light causes certain folks to become depressed and lethargic, sometimes even suicidal. There are therapeutic lamps and "Sun Boxes" that can be helpful. These can be found by doing an online search. I can't recommend any particular one as I really haven't tried them myself.

I actually experience something of a "reverse SAD," where my seasonal depression comes in the spring rather than the winter. This is more common than people think. Several studies have shown that April is actually the month that holds the dubious distinction of being the time when the greatest number of people commit suicide, and I must say, if I were going to do it, April would be the time because that's when I feel my absolute worst. My seasonal depresion starts in March and I don't come out of it till May.

In the winter there's sometimes a cruddy lethargy, but usually not an out and out depression. I just feel generally like crap most of the time, so it's hard to tell the difference. I'm feeling ok right now. But if I don't quit gaining weight I'm going to be the size of a house. Between the low thyroid levels, taking Lithium, working nights, being an olde phart over 40, stressed out as hell and then there's that pesky wanting to actually eat solid food sometimes rather than meal replacement shakes always--I guess I'm doomed to be large. If I could at least be large and in charge I'd feel better about it!

Taking vitamin D has been helpful for me because working nights I don't get much sun. I still experience depression, which is worst around that certain unlovely time of the month, but the suicidal thoughts have been greatly reduced. Not that I don't have them any more, but I seem to have mellowed them out quite a bit. Maybe vitamin D is like pot for suicidal thoughts. They're still there but they're too busy vegging out to be as much of a bother to me. Whatever works, I say!

Perhaps folks with SAD would benefit from a bit of extra vitamin D. It's very safe and very inexpensive. The recommended dosage is 2000 units per day. Give it a try. It can't hurt and it might just help.

And it may sound trite, but try to remember--it's just your brain chemistry fucking with you. You don't really want to off yourself.

Best wishes and hope for happiness,

Lily

Hallucination vs. Communication

Merry meet!

I know that I'm going to encounter the type that believes that because I have bipolar disorder, my spirit communication is nothing but hallucination. But I only hallucinate when I'm

a) on prescription pain meds

b) tripping on psychotropic drugs

c) really tired

d) really sick and have a high fever.

I try to avoid a) because the hallucinations that these cause are almost always bad, such as demons and red-eyed giant bats with blood dripping from their fangs. Medical professionals don't want to believe that people can hallucinate from these medications. When I was hospitalized after having my son via c-section 17.5 years ago I had to argue with both the nurse and the doctor that Darvocet was causing me to hallucinate.

"It doesn't do that," the nurse insisted.

"Well, that's fine," I said. "At least now I know that the huge bat with the red eyes and blood dripping from its fangs is real."

Not for the first time, I was dubbed a "smart ass" and a "trouble maker" by medical staff.

I haven't done b) in 25 years. Except for the time I was certain that my tongue was trying to crawl down my throat, the types of hallucinations I had while indulging in psychotropic drugs were invariably very bright neon colors and included a field full of poinsettias (feel free to hit me upside the head--I was driving while tripping when I saw this) colorful insects, small animals such as rats, cats and dogs, but obviously not rats, cats and dogs from this world; and UFO's. Not aliens, just UFO's. I watched a donut turn into a UFO one time and take off into the sky. Great fun!

I never once perceived a human spirit while tripping. I would sometimes perceive either angelic or demonic presences. The barrier between ourselves and such beings is broken down by the use of such drugs, but that is a discussion for another time. I don't think most human spirits are able to break through the mental static that I generate when messing my brain up this way.

When I'm c) very tired, I again tend to see animals. They aren't glowing or neon, they just don't belong. Penguins and snakes are a favorite and once I saw a gigantic rooster. Last week when entering a state of complete exhaustion I chanced to see a face on an oven fry. I didn't eat that one!

When d) feverish (like I was tonight) I might see animals or mythological creatures. Tonight while burning up with a 102 degree fever (food poisoning is such fun!) I looked over and saw a small gargoyle sitting on the table nearby to the couch I was resting on. Sometimes with creatures like this, I believe they might really be present, I just can't see them without the veil between worlds being eroded a bit. Some of these hallucinations may actually be elemental beings. The gargoyle, whatever it was, had a friendly presence, so I didn't dismiss it.

One thing that these states of mind do not help with is spirit communication. Everything that my spectral co-author attempted to say to me during this time (while extremely exhausted and then having the fever) came through as static. I had to fight to feel if he was present and he had to fight to make his presence known. Since we've been working together for 2 years now, we're pretty well in tune to each other's vibration. Once he was able to say anything again he said it was like trying to talk to somebody using radio communication and getting a lot of static, and also like trying to walk through a very dense fog to reach the person.

If the boundaries between worlds become very eroded, i.e. if a person is deathly ill, they will be able to see spirits and creatures such as angels, demons and elementals more readily because the sick person is preparing to pass into that world.

The thing that I've found in my life is that there is no one truth. Some visions are true hallucinations, produced by brain chemicals that are temporarily or permanently whacked. Some things that appear to be hallucinations aren't. One has to learn to judge and to realize that sometimes the answer won't be clear and to just accept that they are seeing something that may or may not be real.

Another time I'll discuss my view on psychosis and illnesses such as schizophrenia.

Merry part until we meet again.

Lily